Deported to the Colonies
London’s had enough of Generals Sir Charles Napier and Sir Henry Havelock, but their New Zealand namesakes would be proud to have them.
News of New Zealanders via Global Media
Star Detective
Newbie Hamilton security man Gillie Henare explains his efficient lifter-nabbing techniques: “they use a lot of tricks to smuggle stuff out. You look for things like the bulging stomach, loose sleeves, bags. Once you’ve seen it…
Jewels Valued
A New Zealand testicle is worth £4 500, but the Australian version is valued at £130 000.
Centrist Thinking
Geographical isolation meant New Zealand’s “great experiment” with “radically liberal economic ideas” was bound to fail…
Millennial Change
Canon Paul Oestreicher “embodies the Church of the 2th century and its struggles”. Converted during his schooldays in New Zealand, Canon Oestreicher held controversial views on pacifism, Marxism and the ordination of women.
Orca Warning
Orca in Wellington Harbour are a treat for onlookers, but authorities warn water users that the whales “don’t eat cucumbers”.
Habitat for Humanity
Global Village volunteers spend holidays helping some of New Zealand’s least-fortunate citizens.
Howdy Mate
“Seems like American people are just too lazy to work,” says Colorado farmer Bruce Markham, who’s been using Kiwis to bring in the corn.
Miracle Bang
After a decade of blindness, Auckland woman Lisa Reid went to bed, bumped her head and woke up sighted in the morning.
John Bull (& Kiwi)
Michael Wills’ mother was a New Zealander, and his father an Austrian. Today he is charged with putting British patriotism on New Labour’s agenda.
Vowels of Allegiance
The Kiwi vowel slur might be a solidarity mechanism, adopted to make late-arriving, open-vowel enunciating Poms feel uncomfortable. Give us fush or give us duth.
Edge of Menace
New Zealand-born lawyer Denise Kingsmill, new deputy chairwoman of the UK’s Competition Commission, relishes her title as “the most feared woman in Britain”.
Thatcher Revisited
Ten years after the fall of the Iron Lady, her policies still reverberate around the globe: “More than £4bn of assets have been privatised in countries as diverse as the Czech republic and New Zealand.” …
Hardie-Boys’ China Adventure
NZ Gov-Gen Michael Hardie-Boys will wrestle alligators and leap from speeding sampans as the guest of President Jiang Zemin.
Circus Ribbons
Wellington performers staged a twelve hour festival in support of international White Ribbon Day, organised to raise awareness of violence against women.
Maori Shakespeare
Te Tangata Whai Rawa O Weneti, (usually known as The Merchant of Venice), currently filming in New Zealand will “introduce the Maori language to the world,” as well as making Shakespeare more accessible to…
The Porn’s on You
“New Zealand Member of Parliament Winston Peters lashed out at Wellington’s National Library of New Zealand, painting its provision of free Internet access as an invitation for unrestricted surfing of porn sites and for foreigners to check…
Orphans of Poland
Schoolteacher Krystyna Skwarko survived the death camps of Stalinist Poland, fleeing to Persia and eventually resettling in New Zealand with her two children and 700 Polish orphans.
Nuke Free
New Zealand continues to play a key role in the call for a New Agenda, successfully co-sponsoring wider acceptance of Non-Proliferation Treaty commitments at the UN.
Grief Vultures
“At a conference in Auckland, New Zealand, Dr. Simon Wessely called for an end to grief counselling, which he denounced as ineffective and even voyeuristic, tossing counsellors with otherwise-humdrum lives into the same dreaded category as ambulance…
Lazarus
New Zealand First’s annual conference saw leader Winston Peters returning to traditional themes of nationalism, battling on behalf of the battler, equal rights for all New Zealanders and anti-political correctness. He also mentioned that NZF is still…
Maine Marine
The US Conservation Law Foundation calls for marine sanctuaries, citing New Zealand’s flexible marine conservation scheme.
Wave of Light
National Children’s Memorial Day is dedicated to families mourning a child. The event is marked by twenty-four hours of candle light, starting in New Zealand.
Flu in Freetown
Sierra Leone was an important staging port on the long route home for WWI ANZAC troops. Freetown’s cemetery commemorates a handful of Australians and a lone New Zealander, their journeys cut short by influenza.
Godzone/Godawful?
Australian-based Kiwi Bernard Lagan trashes New Zealand’s health, wealth and spirit. Helen Clark exercises the right of reply.
Woolly Coincidence
Was it morphic resonance that caused New Zealand sheep to start rolling across cattle girds at the same time as their Welsh cousins? Could a similar force be affecting sisterly novelists?
Tuna Tussle
How much is too much? New Zealand, Australia and Japan have brought in independent scientific experts to settle the row over tuna quotas.
Whale of an Appetite
Whales eat up to five times as much fish as humans, therefore protecting them is absurd, according to Dan Goodman of the Japan Institute of Cetacean Research, speaking at a whaling conference in New Zealand. …
Ice and Cannibals
Alan Gurney details three mid-nineteenth century voyages to Antarctica. Included is a “grisly description by a New Zealand missionary of the cannibalistic Maoris’ method of creating shrunken human heads.”
Geeks Downunder
“Geeks have a great chance Down Under” states the Economic Times. This, and other such headlines, are drawing high-skill immigrants to New Zealand where “living conditions are definitely better than elsewhere”.
Thar’ She Blows!
The Kaikoura whale-boom is part of one of the world’s fastest-growing tourism opportunities, worth over US $1billion world-wide.
Versatile Machine
Pakistani engineers have developed a “bed shaper cum seed drill”, and are exporting the all-purpose agri-tool to Uzbekistan thanks to New Zealand sponsorship.
Horsemen of the Edge
“New Zealand horsemen have arrived in the village. They have taken over a surplus cowshed just behind the blacksmith’s. I visit and discover that, having seen better days, the shed is being converted with vast energy…
Green-edged Canada
“The Green Party is part of an international movement of environment-centred parties that began in New Zealand in 1972.” – Values Party perhaps?
Burmese Campaign
From New Zealand to Burma, and then into prison for playing pro-democracy songs. Londoner James Mawdsley used his OE to fight SLORC.
Role-model Winslet
As well as being every New Zealand director’s actress of choice, Kate Winslet can handle a baby.
Balibo Five
Investigations are being renewed into the killing of five journalists (including New Zealander Gary Cunningham) during Indonesian’s invasion of East Timor twenty-five years ago.
New Zealandese?
“‘They’re fighting the 300-pound gorilla. Good on them,’ said Mark de Frere, a marketing manager for Advanced Micro Devices, using the New Zealand phrase equivalent to ‘godspeed’.”
Security or Spying?
Activist Nicky Hager sees proposed anti-hacking laws as spying – Minister Paul Swain defends them as essential cyber-security.
New Zealand Pride
Not as bursting with hubris as the Algerians, don’t think we’re as great as the Greeks, not as frank in our appreciation as the French, but we’re in the top twenty countries that inspire pride in their…
Tractor Attention
Helen and Clyde Berkshire run the world’s only Harvester tractor museum, in Indiana. New Zealanders have a special interest in the display.
Relative Connection
“Groove is a Windows application that lets you swap ideas and information in the same way that Napster lets you swap songs … if you could get your cousins in New Zealand to use it, staying in…
Kiwi Cannibal Hookers
“We were shocked. The male would come ashore, grab the pup, swim out 5 or 1 metres with it, shake it around, kill it, and then bite off chunks and limbs and eat them,” said Dr…
Jeans #2
Labour MP John Tamihere wore a pair of ‘dress jeans’ to work. When National’s Bill English complained, Aucklander Tamihere called him “a hillbilly from Clutha”.
Dog Eat Cat World
Felines are unwelcome at Macquarie Island. New Zealand cat-hounds are cleaning them up.
Midget Motoring
An eight year old boy hitting the motorway at 80k in his Dad’s car was doing his bit to bring the average driving age down. Police stopped the boy who was “not fazed,” by them,…
Senior Junior
Anne Martindall (86), former US Ambassador to New Zealand and long-time companion of Sir Toss Woollaston, returns to college to complete her degree. “I believe in finishing what you start,” says Martindall.
Booby Trap
It’s tough on the beat. Two Hamilton police officers were innocently holding a cam-corder when the woman it was pointed at ripped her clothes off, landing them in breach of regulations.
Bloody Lucky
King Country farming means clear air, rich milk, hay and leeches? Maria Lupton’s slimy sweeties saved the lips of an Australian girl mauled by a dog. The leeches, usually fed on blood and intestines, restore circulation to…
Edge Stories in Ireland
Rangimoana Taylor and a Ngati Ranana group are among the storytellers to be powhiried onto a marae recreated by Dublin school pupils for the ninth (festival of story-tellers), highlighting New Zealand and immigration.
Towel Rage
Staff at the Rotorua Polynesian Spa were menaced by a naked customer, furious that he hadn’t been provided with a towel. The customer walked naked into the foyer, pushing a computer off the front desk to…
Antipodean Etonian
Many quintessentially British institutions are headed by foreigners – including Eton, where Kiwi John Lewis is headmaster.
Unprivate Moments
“Keep a diary online and you’re exposed to Mom, Dad, potential employers, and strangers in New Zealand with strong opinions about the way last night’s date should have been handled.”
Fat Tax
Proponents of the New Zealand “Brain Drain” myth complain about income tax, but the government has so far rejected calls for a “fat tax” on butter, cheese, meat and milk.
